Virgins men, I'd rather liveTo be honest, my hymen before these things are very light, I always feel that if two people really love each other, nothing can be a barrier, but then I realized that I was wrong, but wrong enough. My first boyfriend was a college student, he appeared, though not outstanding, but I admire his talent and wisdom. We begin with the sophomore fall in love, like a lot of couples on campus, our love is sweet and romantic. Many times he once swore at the Moon in the night life will not live up to my love for him, after he said that regardless of what happens, we must never abandon.
at that time I never thought I'd fall to today's tragic situation, I thought he would be and I grow old together love. University for three years, we are very stable relationship between the two, is the most promising students. More fortunate is that we both stay in Beijing after graduation. You know, many star-crossed lovers in the University was eventually broken up by the reality of separation between the two places.
look we love step by step weather came, we are full of confidence about the future, and we soon developed the stage to marry. At that time we agreed to work together to fight, fought for three years to earn the money to buy a House and get married. In those days we were very frugal, I joined not long after buying a new dress, and also learned to haggle, haggle when buying food. But I think it is worth it.
three months after I joined the workforce, we rented a one room one Hall, lived a cohabitation. I don't, though I knew that was part of married life, but did not have any sexual experience I had sex without any requirements. However, after living together on the first day, my boyfriend put forward requests for sex. I turned him down for the first time, I said I was afraid of pain.
he said sooner hurt again, and marry anyway. I think also makes sense. Then one day, my boyfriend and I finally took place the first favorite driven by passion. Did not expect is that our sex has made me a lifetime of pain.
I'll never forget her boyfriend after the passion could not "see red" sort of expression of pain, let me explain, ignoring him, that I was not a Virgin. He asked me who for the first time. I, therefore, cast a like, I wanted to prove I was in before I knew he was innocent, but I have no way to prove it. So, I only started to learn to endure his unreasonable jealousy.
from that day on, our relationship has gone bad, there will always be some useless, trivial things a major overhaul. I know the reason for his change in attitude to me is because I didn't have red sex. Although both of them off and on for a long time, but ultimately failed to step into marriage halls. My boyfriend told me, although he believes that I'm not the kind of casual woman, but can't explain for the first time, it will sooner or later destroy two feelings.
after with pain, rather than ended. Keeps on vowing to love of my life finally one morning a man completely out of my life. For this, I just feel hopeless and unfair. His ideas are too selfish, too rude, too funny.
even before I met him I was no longer a Virgin, that doesn't indicate that I am a woman of easy virtue. Later on, I learned to comfort themselves: not married he is not a good thing, such a narrow-minded, feudal men what is there to love. But I wants to not pass of is, he is trained higher education of people, usually also is is avant-garde, how in this things Shang also will has so old of concept does? first times Lovelorn to I caused has is big of combat, but this and no destroyed I of confidence, I think now is 21st century has, not has how many men will like first a boyfriend so focused on these. But as I said it, I was wrong.
out after six months, my colleague introduced me to an object. He and I, age, work is also very decent, can speak good English. In his work of the foreign, he was pursued by many. I think a stay over the ocean, and the man was working in a foreign company is not caring about what Virgin.
thus, in determining the relationship, I admitted that he is not a Virgin. The funny thing is, the well-groomed man heard me immediately after the I love campaign. He said he only wanted to find a pure woman, a wife, or married life is prone to problems. I asked does the Virgin mean you impure? he replied cynically: "non-virgins virgins than pure probability.
probability? gosh! I don't know where he is to see this kind of scientific evidence, incredibly so sophistry about probability. I know a man like this is impossible to live together. But I want to make fun of him. So I asked him where are you going to find his virgin bride, is a kindergarten or nursery? he face the same way: "this is my thing, anyway, I won't marry you that non-virgins.
"you old Virgin to a lifetime!" This looks decadent man inside, I think it is annoying and ridiculous. More surprising to me is that in today's society, and he I see more than one or two. In the three years I lost, I see a total of four objects, I have never thought of hiding the truth to them, I honestly say I'm not a Virgin. There are two sleeves and go, have both said they did not mind, but when it comes to marriage, both of them are using this as an excuse excuses.
what makes me laugh is, there is a man who is divorced. Another boyfriend – if you can call it "boyfriend"--is the audacity to say to me, play with me, meet each other, but their marriage must be a pure Virgin. They asked us to purity, we have what's called the hymen to represent purity, but what do they use to prove his purity then? I used to hate God so unfair as a result. Why in the world there is no Virgin film? perhaps because of man's despair and hate, I love has not been in love again after three years.
in those days I was full of worries for the future, I don't even consider the life of such a person. After all, a person's life is lonely, I only used to numb your heart of love and sexual desire. Live this down, I have a great deal of change: I have low self-esteem than before, not only in front of a man lacking confidence, and I will also experience a loss in front of virgins. Sometimes I envy those young and innocent-looking little girl, I used to say to myself, if you go back to age, I'll take good care of their own future, absolutely will not take place before marriage and others ***, even love to deep point.
for a while, I felt I became a non-Virgin like the heroine in the film the Scarlet affair was branded with the "z" word mark, my logo is imprinted in the heart of the kind of deep inferiority complex and frustrating. Lived in darkness for a long time, until I met the late husband. At first he was just a customer, and I have some work on the contacts. Later, once he's on the phone told me the rudiments of love.
his appearance and temperament are pleased with me, and in the process of communication, I feel he is steadfast progress in life to me is also very caring. This returning to the tenderness and love once told me to be gay. But I still did not immediately agree to his quest because I learn from his words that he is still very traditional. I'm afraid when he knows I am not a Virgin, two feelings also, like the previous, went nowhere.
on second thought, last November, I went to a large professional hospital for hymen repair surgery. I'm not a timid person, but to have the surgery, but feels aggrieved, as if he is doing something wrong. Maybe that surgery can repair some of the trauma on the body, but at the same time I feel like bashing a cutter. I wonder if the wound can really recover; I suspect, is that men love me, or is that a thin layer of the hymen.
makes me glad is that my wife and I finally entered the "besieged city". In January this year, we held a simple and cozy wedding in Beijing. On the eve of their wedding night, my mood is uneasy. I heard that the surgery was not completely successful, I fear that they will appear on their wedding night expectations "effects".
this tension and fear continued for several days, my husband thought I was not feeling well, I care about love. Ugly wife has always wanted to see her. I heart cross, lay down the millstone and waiting for the wedding night is fast a little come. At that time I said to myself, if I can suffer, life no longer married I never fall in love again.
"" that her husband drank a lot of wine, the two people are too busy to fatigue, but even then he was frantic, "**". As he carefully entered my body, I had no pain, but more realistically in order to camouflage my scream of pain. I noticed that, although called pain's loud neighbors can be heard, he was not only angry, mouth hanging even a trace of joy not tactful. Why are men so selfish, at this time, should have built on the suffering of others happiness? thanks I was just pretending to shout of pain, I don't know if I am a Virgin, when my husband will feel fear.
I call pain shortly after, her husband immediately stopped the action, when he looked nervous and on the sheets when searching for Red that he looked forward to for a long time, I noticed that his face is distorted with excitement. He looked at me with thankful expression, then hugged me and said you would love me forever. At that time I felt funny and good, news is what the rock was finally landing; the funny thing is, he was so much if the film. I'm sure that if I didn't do the surgery, will be another scene.
the same time, and you for a few minutes I felt a touch of guilt, I felt cheated of a loved one. Life after marriage, the husband I really care, but more so, I heart stone heavier. Sometimes I even feel like I don't deserve such warmth to a husband. Many times, I want to say the truth to her husband, but then to his mouth and swallowed it back.
a close friend told me such a thing must not say, or will happen. But I decided to tell the truth to her husband, after all, those are things happen to before we met, besides her husband so love me, will understand me and forgive me, I think. Her husband's reaction was out of my expectation, always mild-mannered that he should go on the rampage, even gave me, calling me a "bitch". Stunned I was downright sad, but instead, I calm down: "don't say anything, we divorced.
in this way, married less than a year I am divorced, divorce that day, her ex-husband said to me in pain: "why did you tell me all my life?" I looked at him coldly, without saying a Word, just like the first time I see him. Now think about divorce is good, no one held accountable, I was not a Virgin, for which I had paid too much for the price. Now if they cannot find people who can understand, I'd rather live.